I know – what’s the point? Reviewing a movie like “Top Gun: Maverick” (2022) is like a food critic walking into a local McDonald’s and bashing out 2000 words about how, as a culinary experience, it was slightly better than a handful of dirt and a bag of worms. Not that I’m officially a film critic – I think you need someone at Rotten Tomatoes to email you an emoji badge or something.
But, it is a movie and, yes, I actually saw it in a movie theatre – those soft pretzels were tasty! It’s also a very predictable movie. How predictable? If only the numbers to each week’s lotto 649 were this easy to guess, my wife and I would be sitting on top of a pile of money the size of Mt. Etna. Sadly, that’s not the case, though, maybe that’s okay, considering how some lottery winners’ lives end up.
Tom Cruise is back, 36 years after “Top Gun” (1986) ended, as has-been hotshot fighter pilot, Pete “Maverick” Mitchell. Though pushing 60, he’s still braving the big, blue skies by taking experimental new aircraft out for a whirl or two. That gig doesn’t last long, though. Within the first few minutes, our boy who never ages receives a surprise transfer back to “Top Gun.” Not really surprising considering the movie is called, “Top Gun: Maverick”, but, we’ll let that pass.
“Maverick” is thrilled – here’s his chance to relive his glory days. Not so fast! Stock hardass Admiral Beau “Cyclone” Simpson (Jon Hamm) blows the smile right off of Tom’s ageless face by informing “Maverick” that he hasn’t been called back to fly, but to train a newer, younger crop of the best of the best for a super secret, super dangerous mission halfway across the world. Despite not exactly being thrilled with the assignment, “Maverick” agrees to play stuffy teach to a bunch of high-on-themselves, barely-out-of-their-diapers adrenalin junkies.
Going back, though, means tangling with the past, which, in one case, takes the form of the son of his old flying buddy “Goose.” That son, Lieutenant Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw (Miles Teller), is no friend of Maverick’s for two reasons: 1) He believes Maverick cost his pop his life and 2) A few years back, Maverick delayed Rooster’s fighter pilot career by pulling his application.
Also along for the flight down memory lane is Jennifer Connelly as Penny Benjamin – only referred to in the original – a single mom running the same bar that was the setting for the original movie’s famous “You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling” scene.
Then, there’s IceMan, (Val Kilmer), “Maverick’s” old nemesis, who was actually the one who secured his return to “Top Gun.” This is where things get real for a half minute or so. Back in 2017, Kilmer revealed he had throat cancer. Five years later, he survived it, but lost his voice. He makes a cameo appearance here and you can’t help but be moved by his performance. Amidst all the rah-rah, high-fives and constant boasting, Kilmer reminds us that there are real people out there who are engaged in very real struggles. Here, in this brief scene, he shuts down “Maverick’s” self-doubt and sends him on his way with a renewed belief in the mission at hand.
That mission is to destroy a bunker in an unnamed country (Iran!) that is storing the nuclear bombs it wasn’t supposed to manufacture in the first place – “Tsk, tsk.”
I’m guessing I’m not shocking anyone when I say you need to be very leery of American films that promote its military in such a simplistic and enthusiastic way. I’m not kneejerk anti-American, but I’m knowledgeable enough about the U.S.’s military history (particularly it’s most recent) to question any film that doubles, as the first one did so well, as an empty-headed, slam-bang, big screen recruiting tool. And, wouldn’t you know it, while Tom and company were shooting their sleek, zoom and boom pop-up book of a movie, halfway around the world, the U.S. was, at the same time, fully involved in another mess of a military adventure in Yemen. Read all about it.
So, yeah, at its’ best, TGM was never going to be anything more than a $170 million dollar video game with occasional story moments that are so stock that they’d make Michael Bay blush.
Fighter jets slice up the sky this way and that. Fighter jets navigate narrow and twisty canyons at top speeds. Fighter jets chase one another in simulated battle scenarios while wannabe Top Gunners hurl insults at one another like they’re all back in grade school playing tag at recess.
Jennifer Connelly gets to tend bar, tease Tom and then give it up. Jon Hamm gets to yell at Tom for being such a “Maverick” and then, much later on, smile at Tom for being such a “Maverick.”
It’s razzle-dazzle til your eyes pop out or your brain turns to mush or both. The thing has made about $1.5 billion worldwide.
How many customers does McDonald’s serve per year?
